Insightful article written by Magdaleen Scott , published in all4Women, August 1st,2017.
Once an encounter occurs, a relationship can form and from this assembly point proverbial magic happens. It all starts with a single point of contact and this contact enables a relationship…The basic assumption of Imago (Latin word for Image pronounced Im-ah-go) is that committed partnerships have a higher calling/mission than simply the pursuit of happiness. It’s therefore clear that there is more to relationships than mere happiness and the pursuit thereof.
Most people are not fulfilled with just happiness, so how does one reach this place beyond happiness? How does one reach peace? The purpose is to help each other heal the childhood ‘wounds’ that have resulted from imperfect parenting. Often people incorrectly assume that it is only in homes of abuse and profound neglect that “wounding occurs”. However as Freud said, “children are creatures that are never satiated, (therefore) there is no parent in the world who can react perfectly to the changing needs of the children”.
The premise of Imago is that we are called into relationship in order to heal these relational wounds. Because we are born in relationship, and we are wounded in relationship (by imperfect parents), healing needs to occur within a relationship.
The heart of Imago is to create safe, loving, conscious relationships and to discover the roots of conflict
A blueprint of love
Imago proposes that we each carry an internalised blueprint of love which is made up of a combination of the positive and negative characteristics of significant childhood figures, our experiences of them and their attitudes toward us. This image is called the ‘Imago’. Continue reading
I found this very insightful article in the Mindful Magazine. It is written by Cheryl Fraser, a clinical psychologist and sex therapist. She is a writer, speaker and meditation teacher. She is the relationship columnist for Mindful.
Rewire Your Brain for Love
Don’t let deep-seated fears of not being loved hijack a relationship.
George was missing. The Disneyland hotel bed was crisply made but my sister’s security bear, loved and nuzzled into a sheepskin sphere with one weird glass eye, had vanished. A frantic call later, the smiling concierge appeared and placed a freshly laundered koala blob back into the waiting arms, and heart, of a tiny blonde girl. She slept, content, wrapped around her fuzzy friend. It’s endearing, isn’t it, when a child needs a stuffed toy to feel safe. Until the tantrums start and the kid can’t calm themselves without it.
We adults are no different. Hey, we all want to feel safe and secure. That’s why we fall in love. Except sometimes falling in love makes us feel scared, not safe, and we act like a nutcase—wracked with insecurity and fears. Why? Well, our first real safe place was not with our bear, it was with our parent, and that early relationship exerts a giant influence on how we connect as grown-ups.
Research says the kind of attention we receive from our caretaking adult(s) in our first two years determines whether we feel predominantly safe with closeness—in psychology speak, securely attached—or not. Secure attachment, which about half of people have, has been shown to increase the ability to feel comfortable with vulnerability and to regulate emotional reactions when there are bumps on the romantic road. Successful adult relationships take more than kissing George until leather shows through his wool. They require the ability to manage stress, be aware of feelings, calm down, and engage meaningfully.
Yes, indeed. But what a pity that things get so bad between a couple that they just want out.
I listened to Robert Waldinger ‘s Ted Talk called What Makes a Good Life? Lessons from the longest Study on Happiness. (This study was conducted at Harvard University and Robert Waldinger is the 4th director of this study over a period of 75 years.) Continue reading
Vir Moedersdag kyk ons na verskillende tipes verhoudings wat ons met ons ma’s het. Vandag vertel die Imago-verhoudingsterapeut Grete Becker meer oor Moedersdag sonder jou ma én 5 maniere om haar nagedagtenis lewend te hou. Continue reading