Grete Becker, whose topic at SACAP’s Psychology Festival of Learning is – “Imago Relationship Theory: Making Marriage Simple”, provides SPICE4LIFE‘s readers with some expert tips for a simple marriage! Grete is part of the Cape Town line-up of speakers and her talk is happening on Wednesday, 3rd September at 11:30am. Her talk at the Festival will give a brief overview of the different stages of all relationships, look at the higher purpose of committed relationships, explain why conflict is supposed to happen, and look at the Imago profile.
Making Marriage Simple is easier said than done. Relationship experts, Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt say : “ If you are experiencing disillusion in your relationship, well, join the human race.” Harville and Helen are co-creators of Imago Relationship Theory and have been helping couples for more than 30 years and in 33 countries across the world. Together they have written 6 books of which Making Marriage Simple is the latest. In this book they invite couples to take all negativity out of the relational space. This means: no shaming, blaming or critique. Instead go for:
- Pre-validating your partner’s views and opinions. Refrain from criticism, that will only trigger the fight-or-flight response which will create animosity in the relationship.
- Celebrate the other(your partner) as Another. Absolute compatibility is a pipe dream and absolute sameness will smother the curiosity and fun in the relationship.
- Keep intimacy going. If you continuously avoid physical and emotional closeness with your partner through escaping into work, children, hobbies, television or other activities, you risk creating a divide between you and your partner that may prove difficult, if not impossible, to repair.
- Using “I“ language. Learn to communicate the Imago way. No monologues, but a Dialogue where one is the visitor into the other one’s world. The visitor listens with all his senses, plus his whole heart, with curiosity and empathy, not to agree with the content, but to make sense of the other one’s inner world.
- Unconditional gifts. Never do something for your partner in exchange for something else.
- Date nights. No relationship can stay in the crazy “ eat-the-other-up” romantic stage. But you can keep the romance and joyful aliveness going by surprises and alone-time.
- Focus on the positive traits of your partner. There is a saying: what you focus on, expands. This is very true for relationships.
- Ask for what you want or need from your partner. Your partner is not a mind reader and doesn’t always know what you want or need from him/her. We get upset with our partners when our needs are not being met because we erroneously believe they don’t care when they don’t instinctively and automatically know our needs.
- Love yourself. If we love and accept ourselves fully and completely, we can do the same with our partners.
Author: Spice4Life News
Post date: Thursday, August 28, 2014
