As a Imago Relationship coach, I sometimes come across a couple that is so locked in a power struggle, that they cannot move towards connection. They get stuck in the blaming-shaming-insulting dance; no matter how hard we work at achieving connection and positivity. What I am realizing, is that they don’t have a capacity to / for empathy. They will, under my coaching and guidance, manage to leave their side of the Bridge to enter the world of their partner on the other side, to try and make sense of their partner’s world. Not to understand or to agree to the otherness of the partner; just to visit that world and to listen and take it all in, in order to imagine how it must feel to be in their partner’s shoes.
Research tells us that the capacity for empathy is established in the first 3 years of life.
Dr Laura Markham, of Aha!Parenting.com writes as follow :
Empathy is often defined as seeing things from the other person’s point of view. But empathy is actually a physical event, controlled by the insula in our right brain. The structure of the right brain is formed during the first two years of life, before your baby becomes verbal. Scientists suspect that the right brain is the orchestrator of intimacy. The insula connects the brain with the heart, digestive organs, and skin. So when our heart leaps, or our stomach turns, or our skin crawls, the insula is sending us a message. And when we feel deep empathy, we feel it in our bodies. That means a more accurate definition of empathy is “feeling” from the other person’s point of view.
Read the full article here
Early childhood experiences shape the relational brain and prepare us for future relationships. Attend an Imago couples or parenting workshop to learn more.
