Last night I was watching Desperate Housewives to see what they are getting up to this week. And there were Gabrielle & Carlos Solis quarreling about ” who is the boss ” in the marriage and whose job is more important.
For Gabrielle it was clear cut : the partner who brings in the most money, is the Boss and gets to call the shots. In all the years that Carlos was the big executive, CEO and earning accordingly, Gabrielle was quite happy to be the good and supportive wife with the fancy car and golden credit card to keep her busy while her husband was busy making million dollar deals. But now that Carlos has had an epiphany and exchanged corporate for welfare, earning a welfare salary as well, Gabrielle stepped up and is now the power-wife with the income to match.
Poor Carlos is dumbstruck; cannot understand that his wife does not get him. And Gabby cannot understand that Carlos does not get her.
It just made me realise, yet again, that neither of them is right or wrong. There is no : right or wrong between couples. There is my world , your world and The Space in between our individual worlds. And our relationship lives in this space that we create. And to fully get you, I have to cross the bridge into your world, with curiosity and compassion.
Rumi explains this space as follow: Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.
As Imago coach, I guide couples into the world of the other – gently, softly and with curiosity. No blaming, shaming or critisizing. And every time, after such a “visit”, they say : ” I have always known this about him/her, but never like this. Today I listened with my heart and my soul, not only with my ears. ”
Because you see, when I listen with my ears only, I listen through my own filters, my own history, my own opinion. And I stay in MY world. Only when I visit your world, without my ID and agenda, that I can truly hear YOU.
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